Who am I?

 

 

So, who am I?

I had always been a dreamer and an overachiever.  I always knew I was destined for greater things and I always believed I could do better, be better, have better than I was experiencing in my life, but there was a misalignment in me that was holding me back from all of it.  And I lived in that space for more than 15 years. 

 

For most of that time, I was looking for the answers to my ‘problems’ in all of the wrong places. Casting my mind back to 2014, at age 37, engaged to be married, living with my fiancé on a beautiful smallholding with our Bullmastiff, two Great Danes, two British Shorthair cats, my two horses and a few chickens and ducks, just to top off the menagerie.

 

By that time I was working only part-time, in the business my fiancé and I had built up together over the previous 19 years. I spent the rest of my time looking after the animals, continuing my own understanding of psychology; mostly at that time related to human and animal interactions, which had been an interest for the previous 16 years. To the outside world, I had it all but inside I was lost.

 

*****

 

I had grown up assuming I would get married, have children and live happily ever after.  As a school leaver I wasn’t interested in a career; because what was the point if I was going to be a wife and mother…? (Yes, that’s where I was at.)

 

I was also always a fighter too though. I would face any challenge head-on.  Though I hated any type of conflict, I also had a huge bucket of self-respect and would never allow anyone to bring me down.  When my teenage years hit though, and the hormones started raging, that fairytale from my childhood began to set its teeth in.  I was obsessed. Constantly on the lookout for my ‘Prince Charming’ but settling for anyone who paid me attention. And so began the years of torment that I know now I raged upon myself.

 

Married at 19, Divorced at 21, followed by another relationship with a man I then lived with for a while, as well as many short-term, yet somehow no less painful, relationships in between, I then fell in love with the man I was to spend 16 years of my life with. 

 

During this time, I fell into a career within the motor trade, which paid a great wage. I had always great at whatever I put my mind to, and of course, it didn’t really matter because, if you remember, I was going to get married, have children and live happily ever after…

 

As the years rolled on, my biological clock kept on ticking, babies never happened and the relationship felt the constant pressure (my pressure) for marriage. I found myself slowly but surely living a life so distant from that fairytale in my head that it felt like I was spinning out of control.  “So if that’s not supposed to be my life… who the hell am I?”

 

I made excuses about my life, threw myself into the material trappings that surrounded me, buried myself in the love I received from my animals and tried desperately to ignore the voice that was screaming in my head: ‘This isn’t right, you deserve better, something has to change, you are wasting your life.’

At 37 years old, with a life that seemed quite perfect to the outside world, well to all but a few of my close friends, I felt like I was drowning.  Lost, confused, and scared I didn’t know what to do about it. Until the inevitable happened and the relationship finally broke down and I broke down with it. 

 

I had to leave the house that I had allowed myself to believe would be my home for life. The dogs, cats and other animals, except the horses, couldn’t come with me, and I also had to leave the business that, though wasn’t mine on paper, had been my life since its conception.  It was as much a part of my identity I had accepted for myself, as the animals and home were.

 

*****

 

I survived.  I hit rock bottom with a bang, but I bounced.  Maybe only a little at first but I took the momentum of the self-respect that I’d been blessed with and I ran with it.

 

I travelled to South and North America, learned new skills, connected to parts of me I had left behind 20+ years earlier, I moved myself and my little dog to France, back to California, took some time in China. I found me.

 

It was my learnings, understandings, and most importantly the transformations within this time that brought me back to me. Coupled with the background education I had been giving myself, I not only found myself, I found my way.

 

*****

 

Fast forward to today, and my life is very different.  I am very different.

 

Most importantly, I know who I am. I know what I’m doing and I know where I am going.

I changed the script in my head from being someone who wanted to be married and have children, to being someone who was able to give and receive love openly.

 

My partner Matt and I met through a mutual friend.  We were both terrified, for our own reasons, of a new relationship, and we both walked into it with our eyes wide open.

 

For the first time in my life, I fell in love with a man who I respected and felt utterly respected by.  Someone who became a friend first. A man whose first and most important value is trust.

 

It’s different. Committed on a level I had never felt before. Secure on all levels; emotionally, physically, spiritually.  Because I didn’t need the relationship.  I wanted it, yes.  But I no longer needed someone else to complete me.  The years before we met were my time to work on myself, to step into my true identity, to work out who I was, what I really wanted in my life and what I was going to do about it.

And, I now have four gorgeous step-children and, of course, I have Charlie.

 

My life is beyond complete. And the work that I do now is based completely on helping others to find, connect and embody their true selves too.

This is my life’s work.  It started within the realms of animal behaviourism, moved through human and animal psychology, and on into human behaviour, neuroscience and spiritual healing work.

 

Was it all about my relationships? Absolutely not.  When I first found and connected to who I truly am, I was also able to achieve my most successful financial year to that point, and this was while still working in the motor trade, as I built my private coaching practice in my spare time.

 

You see when you truly step into and embody all that it is to be you, and you are confident enough to give yourself unapologetically out to the world, the universe (God/Spirit/the angels) shows up for you too.


Things you hadn’t yet dreamed of become possible, and your life can evolve into more than you might ever have previously been able to imagine.

If you’re ready to let go of all that is no longer serve you and step into the happiest, most contented, empowered version of you, reach out and let’s make it happen, together.

“So if that’s not supposed to be my life… who the hell am I?”

I made excuses about my life, threw myself into the material trappings that surrounded me, buried myself in the love I received from my animals and tried desperately to ignore the voice that was screaming in my head: ‘This isn’t right, you deserve better, something has to change, you are wasting your life.’

At 37 years old, with a life that seemed quite perfect to the outside world, well to all but a few of my close friends, I felt like I was drowning.  Lost, confused, and scared I didn’t know what to do about it. Until the inevitable happened and the relationship finally broke down and I broke down with it. 

 

I had to leave the house that I had allowed myself to believe would be my home for life. The dogs, cats and other animals, except the horses, couldn’t come with me, and I also had to leave the business that, though wasn’t mine on paper, had been my life since its conception.  It was as much a part of my identity I had accepted for myself, as the animals and home were.

 

*****

 

I survived.  I hit rock bottom with a bang, but I bounced.  Maybe only a little at first but I took the momentum of the self-respect that I’d been blessed with and I ran with it.

 

I travelled to South and North America, learned new skills, connected to parts of me I had left behind 20+ years earlier, I moved myself and my little dog to France, back to California, took some time in China. I found me.

 

It was my learnings, understandings, and most importantly the transformations within this time that brought me back to me. Coupled with the background education I had been giving myself, I not only found myself, I found my way.

 

*****

 

Fast forward to today, and my life is very different.  I am very different.

 

Most importantly, I know who I am. I know what I’m doing and I know where I am going.

I changed the script in my head from being someone who wanted to be married and have children, to being someone who was able to give and receive love openly.

 

My partner Matt and I met through a mutual friend.  We were both terrified, for our own reasons, of a new relationship, and we both walked into it with our eyes wide open.

 

For the first time in my life, I fell in love with a man who I respected and felt utterly respected by.  Someone who became a friend first. A man whose first and most important value is trust.

 

It’s different. Committed on a level I had never felt before. Secure on all levels; emotionally, physically, spiritually.  Because I didn’t need the relationship.  I wanted it, yes.  But I no longer needed someone else to complete me.  The years before we met were my time to work on myself, to step into my true identity, to work out who I was, what I really wanted in my life and what I was going to do about it.

And, I now have four gorgeous step-children and, of course, I have Charlie.

 

My life is beyond complete. And the work that I do now is based completely on helping others to find, connect and embody their true selves too.

This is my life’s work.  It started within the realms of animal behaviourism, moved through human and animal psychology, and on into human behaviour, neuroscience and spiritual healing work.

 

Was it all about my relationships? Absolutely not.  When I first found and connected to who I truly am, I was also able to achieve my most successful financial year to that point, and this was while still working in the motor trade, as I built my private coaching practice in my spare time.

 

You see when you truly step into and embody all that it is to be you, and you are confident enough to give yourself unapologetically out to the world, the universe (God/Spirit/the angels) shows up for you too.


Things you hadn’t yet dreamed of become possible, and your life can evolve into more than you might ever have previously been able to imagine.

If you’re ready to let go of all that is no longer serve you and step into the happiest, most contented, empowered version of you, reach out and let’s make it happen, together.


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